im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my sisters under your porch take her home
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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