I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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