At least make sure they are 18
Why
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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