I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
