chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
