1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
