I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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