Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
