So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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