I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
