I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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