Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
