Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
