"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i will never coherently bang her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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