Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
