from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
