oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you're hired as official boob wrangler
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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