oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
