The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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