If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
