My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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