Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
