Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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