so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
