I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
