my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
