Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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