The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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