I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
