Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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