I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
