hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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