i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
