never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
