I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
