Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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