Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
tell me about the eggs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
