How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The air was thick with penises
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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