that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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