Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
