I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
