i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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