I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize