thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
