I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
