i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
