quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
