On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
