The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
