so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize