me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
