the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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