ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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