All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
