At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
