pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
