i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
