did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
