yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
