You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
