im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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