Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
