You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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