You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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