Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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