he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
