so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
