He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
