turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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