me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
