I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so explain again why im purple
no
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
