Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
