My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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