Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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