Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
