I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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