Porn is love you can see.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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