I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize