Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
