maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
