New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
