So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
