i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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