And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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