I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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