We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
