quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
