yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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