we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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