Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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