I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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