Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They have beer where we have blood.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
