i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
