I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
