I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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