shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
