i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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