I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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