I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize