And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
