i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
