If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He did a backflip because drugs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
