I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
