Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize