He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We left the knife in your bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
