And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
