no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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