I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
