i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
